Thursday, August 06, 2009

Late breaking abstract!

The anthropological implications of proper habiliment usage on micturition

The evolution of the erect posture in the genus Homo has created physical constraints on urination, particularly in males. It has also been observed by multiple groups that the act of wearing garment can impede the urinatory process by increasing the latency between the initiation of the behavior and the opening of the urethral sphyncter. In the general population of males there exist variation in the exit strategy employed for the exposure of the phallus through the underclothes. To model the population variation of these behaviours, a questionnaire was designed and given to 41 subject over the course of 7 days. Results indicate that most subjects (70%) choose to expose their penes by going over the elastic band while a minority (29%) use the undergarment flap. These results raise questions about the validity and usefullness of the undergarnment flap given the low propencity of usage. Futhermore it was serendipitously discovered that analogous female garment lack such vestigial features. A correlation was observed between individuals of french background and users of the undergarment flap (16% were French). While correlation does not imply causation, we wish to bring forward the hypothesis that urination behaviour may be ethno-culturally determined. Further studies will be needed to determine how urination behaviour varies geographically.


Anonymous said...

This is the greatest abstract I have ever read. It needs some stats on it and it can be posted in the journal of urology.

Anonymous said...

Recipe to impress a bunch of idiots:

take one dumb beer filled bar conversation
stir 47 bigger idiots in some survey
bring in some random girl comments
do 3 sttistical analyses
post it on some idiotic website

Post something smart for a change!

Anonymous said...

Wow for someone who thinks it's an idiotic site you sure seem to invest a lot of time posting on how you didn't get the joke...

Bayman said...

Recipe to impress a bunch of idiots:

That is genius!!!!!111!!!!

Have you ever considered blogging??? You could be raking in the pennies with that sort of in-your-face exposition.

Bayman said...

"Due to the rampant abuse and overuse of scientific jargon apparent in the abstract, the editors must regretfully decline to review this manuscript at the present time. Should the authors choose to rewrite the manuscript IN COMPREHENSIBLE ENGLISH and refrain from the use of Google translator, we would be happy to consider their submission at a later time."

Argent23 said...

70% and 29% - what are the missing 1% doing, I'm wondering. Peeing their pants?

Joe said...

@Argent23: they are going commando, obviously.

Anonymous Coward said...

Authors' rebuttal:

While we acknowledge the reviewers concern we wish to clarify a few points which may be of interest to the editor. Firstly, while the reviewer criticizes the jargon used in this manuscript, it it consistent with the majority of papers published in this journal. We encourage the reviewer to familiarize himself with the post-modernist vocabulary of his field. Furthermore we think the opposition to our ideas stem from the nature vs nurture debate in our field, and the idea that the "over the band" behaviour has evolved in a Darwinian fashion: subjects using this method are less likely to be victims of flap injury and the testicular trauma associated with it which could result in fewer offsprings and are thus more fit. Futhermore perhaps it has been overlooked that the last author is one of the founders of modern socio-biology. Lastly the first author slept with you mom last night. Given these facts, we urge you to reconsider this submission.