Thursday, May 11, 2006

The Pre-Emptive Strike: A New Strategic Paradigm in the War on Non-Human Mammal Species

A great example of evolution in action, humans recently discovered the first known polar-grizzly bear hybrid. What did we do? Damn right, we shot that bad-boy dead. Probably make a nice trophy in someone's living room. From look of his eyes I'd say there was a bit of pizzly-boxing going on too. Goes to show, we're so good at killing off species, they're going extinct before they even exist. That's right, gotta nip 'em in the bud. Don't worry - I'm sure all you tree-hugging scientists out there will get a chance to study a grolar bear soon enough. The North Pole's only getting warmer and greener and there'll be plenty more polar bear's makin' babies with grizzlies before they go extinct.


6 comments:

Anonymous Coward said...

As if the extinction of unicorns wasn't bad enough already...

Bayman said...

I know. I'm it's so disgusting how Rob flaunts his My Little Unicorn trophy around his desk. It's unicorn hunters like him that drove the poor things to extinction.

rob said...

You gotta hunt those endangered species NOW before there is no more left to hunt.

I saw that pic earlier. Did you hear that the dude was going to get a serious punishment from conservation officers because it could be argued that with his polar bear hunting licence he shot a grizzly? I can't believe that you can buy a polar bear hunting licence, aren't those things endangered?? Of course, he did pay 50,000 dollars for the licence and if all that money went to saving habitat there would be no problem. However we all know that it went to government programs like the gun registery or something.

Bayman said...

That's crazy. What's wrong with these dudes anyway? They think they're all adventerous and daring going up North and getting a polar bear? Dude, that's so 1773. We even got all the way to the North pole and back like 100 years ago! In fact, we've even been to the MOON! And oh wow, you shot a bear. I'm sure it was really hard to follow around your Inuit guide and wait until he pointed off in this distance, and then aim your high-powered super-scoped out rifle at the lumbering fat-ass bear (probably stuck on an ice pan) and pull the trigger. Must've been scary to be face-to-face (via telescope) with a real live polar bear (1km away). How did you keep so cool?. Did your guide happen to mention that his people have had to hunt bears with spears to survive a few thousand year? Yeah killing a mammal - not too original. Good thing you got him though, otherwise if your satellite phone died or your GPS broke you might not have been able to call in your helicopter ride home and you might have actually had to eat that bear for sustenance. Ewwww! Next time you feel adventerous do us a favor and go fly yourself into the sun. At least that would be original.

Anonymous said...

Burn!

Anonymous said...

There shooed be a hunting license for people lice him (a dum ass hunting license)